A Tough Day. A Patient God. A Loved Pop

Having a hard time posting tonight. I wish we could post good news, and I am searching for some to report. No mistake there is positive and we are determined to focus on it and not the negative. But its still tough. For an instant today I was mad .... at God, no less. Can't help thinking my sisters and our spouses as well as Pop felt the same way for an instant. Not sure about them but my anger kinda slipped into brokenness and now I'm not sure what I feel. Before anyone panics, I never stopped loving God, nor trusting in Him, I was just angry with Him for a bit. I'm not totally certain but I believe the whole Weaver offspring set probably shared the same feelings today. Seeing Sonya fight back tears today welled that protective big brother instinct and I had no ability to fix it. Knowing Shannon and Pop were visiting the doctors and getting the test results without Sonya and I there to share hugs and tears knotted my stomach. Quite simply ... Cancer sucks!

I guess I better quit my whining and catch you up. Pop and Shannon left for that amazing God infested place called Moffitt Cancer Center yesterday for Pop to undergo some test. I think he had another CAT scan and PET scan to see how well the radiation and the first bit of chemo and trial drugs performed. They were to stay the night and get the tests results today. From the best I could understand, Pop got the results from the CAT scan but not the PET scan. The CAT scan showed more areas in the other lung that appeared to be consistent with cancer (they grew since the last scan). Pop's doctor also advised him to consider getting a stint in his esophagus to keep it open so that he could get back to his chemo treatments. He encouraged him to check that option out fairly soon. We were unable to determine how well the radiation worked without the results of the PET scan. Not sure when we are to get those results or when Pop has another doctors appointment. Shannon has been a trooper in keeping up with that. Lets pray the PET scan shows positive progress.

Now for the positives .... Pop has maintained his weight (woohoo!!)and the doctor said he didn't appear to be any thinner than last time he saw him. Maintaining his weight through a feeding tube is a major accomplishment and we hope we can turn that tide just a little and actually gain a little. Shannon reported that although being a little short of breath Pop walked to all his appointments and believe this, Moffitt is bigger than it looks from the outside. Pop was a little tired. He did good but with the results shared today we were a little afraid that Pop would get discouraged. Shannon did ask him if he was going to do chemo again and Pop said "what choice do I have"? That was encouraging to us to know that Pop was still determined to fight. We hope and pray that he keeps that determination. The way we chose to look at it is every day is one more day and one more chance at a miracle. What is amazing is this journey is only a little over 6 months long, it seems like an eternity. We may have a lot of fight left but we have a lot of fight left in us. Pop is a Weaver .... and Weavers don't quit, at least that was what we were taught since birth. Kinda goes along with the hard-headedness obviously born and bred into us. Pop is tired though and I ask that all keep praying for strength and endurance for him. Pray that he is able to get out more and get his blood flowing. Pray for healing in the esophagus. Pray his spirit remains strong and his determination steadfast. Pray that he feels all the love that His God and all his many friends have for him. Pray for less pain. Pray for the doctors discernment in treatment options. Pray for Gods mercy and will. Pray! Pray! Pray!

And God btw I'm not mad anymore! Broken, hurt, a bit discouraged ..... yes. But not angry. Thank you for being a patient God that is big enough to handle our fits and still love us! We love you and I know Pop loves you. Treat him with mercy please. Look over him and comfort him. Cover him with the peace that you are there and that you will never ever leave him.
We will try .... I promise, to keeping loving You and loving people.
And may you receive all the praise, honor and glory
Amen
TW
2 Corinthians 4:17-18

stretch 2

Took Pop to the doctor today to get a good esophagus stretching. Nothing like having your espohagus stretched. Keeps the wrinkles out. Might keep this a secret as it may catch on as the next fad like botox or tummy tucks. Seriously though ..... Pop made the trip well and even saw him chuckle a little telling a story on the way up. The procedure didn't take long and Pop looked pretty tattered when I went back to be briefed by the nurse. She told him no steak today but maybe a really tender filet in a couple days. The doctor even mentioned it so Pop must have been lobbying all of them to get him where he is able to eat a juicy steak. I know it may be silly but tonight my prayers are for a tender juicy filet and a pain free consumption by Pop. Gonna take lots of prayers, as a simple glass of water hurts to swallow and Shannons facebook post informed us that Pop was in some pain tonight. (prayer warriors take notice) Hope it is short lived pain so he will be able to swallow tomorrow. Gotta get some nutrition in him. He is beginning to look like the pictures when he and Mom got married. She told me one time he was a whooping 135 pounds back then. A bit older now but still a handsome man none the less.
Wish he would feel better and get some energy back. Gotta keep praying for that miracle that God has in store. Until then we will walk this journey one step at a time.

Thanks everyone for the wonderful turn out at the relay fund raisers. If you need a team to walk with ..... loads of hope is taking volunteers. Come walk .... come visit ..... come support ......but just come. Check with Sonya or Shannon at LPFR to find out how to sign up. Heck we would like to see thousands at the field for the Relay for Life event. Cancer has touched us all .... weather we know it or not. See you there?
It would be remiss if I left out of this post some spiritual dessert. Last couple weeks it seems everyone we know and love is fighting or family member is fighting cancer in some form or fashion. Its been overwhelming, but it has brought forth a scripture that I cannot get out of my mind. It was mentioned in the last post and it just won't go away. 2 Corinthians 4:17-18. In a nutshell it says, focus on the unseen for it is eternal. That which we see is temporary. God must know that with all that is going on I am apt to lose my focus. Maybe He is reminding us to keep focused on that which is most important......that which is unseen. Makes me wonder what the unseen looks like or sounds like ..... certainly something to look forward to, of this I am sure.

Until next time
Love God ~ Love People
TW

Holding pattern

Ever been on a long flight and get stuck in a holding pattern around the airport. Frustrating isn't it? Things not going as planned and not sure when they are going to let you land. Now multiply that frustration by a million or perhaps a billion and maybe it'll give a sense of the frustration Pop is experiencing. Shannon posted on facebook recently that she wishes she could wave a magic wand and make a miracle happen. I know what miracle she is talking about. I'm beginning to realize suffering may be easier to experience than it is to watch. Neither is fun nor easy, of that I am sure.

Pop's esophagus has closed back up after the last stretching and the burn that is causing all the problems down there is taking its sweet time in healing. The Drs. have postponed all treatments including any stretching of the esophagus until Pop gets better. Thus the holding pattern. Pop can't eat so he is getting his nutrition through that small tube in his gut. There is only so much you can do through that tube and getting a balanced diet with enough calories is difficult. If anyone has any experience or secrets please share. We are all about trying something if it will work. Pop so wants a big juicy steak and somehow even if we could "juice" it, I'm not sure it would be the same. We are waiting for him to gain strength and heal some before anything else can happen. He has some test on March 24th and 25th that should reveal the progress of the treatments. Lets pray that those tests can't find active cancer anywhere. Wouldn't that be cool? I know it would encourage Pop and we would praise God. Heck we are going to praise God anyway ... no matter what the outcome. Sunshine or rain!

Relay for Life is quickly approaching and with Pop being the honorary chairman this year the Restaurant is ramping things up. I heard through the grapevine that tonight the BBQ dinner fund raiser was awesome. Thank you to all the people who have been so supportive of the "loads of Hope" team. If you want a peek into how we came up with the name check out some of the earliest post here on the blog. When Pop checked into the Hope lodge .... lets just say .... there was loads of hope right there in his room.*L* If you want to join the team just contact Sonya, Shannon, or Toni and they can help you get signed up. Just don't contact me, I'm clueless on how to get that done ..... they signed me up! And let me pitch the "relay for life" event just a little. Great event raising money for the American Cancer Society. The ACS funds, among many things, the Hope Lodge where Pop stayed during his radiation treatments. Amazing place run by amazing people for an amazing mission. Money well spent supporting the Relay!

Got to get some sleep so I will close with this. All you prayer warriors out there, keep it up! Pray specifically for Coach, Wayne, Bo, Syd, Kristin, Russ, Cayman, Dr. Maiden, Chad, Pop and anyone else you know fighting this terrible disease. May they experience joy and peace through their suffering. Joy and Peace only known though Jesus. He is Lord you know! King of Kings!
Keep loving God and loving people!

TW
2 Corinthian 4:17-18