A Tough Day. A Patient God. A Loved Pop

Having a hard time posting tonight. I wish we could post good news, and I am searching for some to report. No mistake there is positive and we are determined to focus on it and not the negative. But its still tough. For an instant today I was mad .... at God, no less. Can't help thinking my sisters and our spouses as well as Pop felt the same way for an instant. Not sure about them but my anger kinda slipped into brokenness and now I'm not sure what I feel. Before anyone panics, I never stopped loving God, nor trusting in Him, I was just angry with Him for a bit. I'm not totally certain but I believe the whole Weaver offspring set probably shared the same feelings today. Seeing Sonya fight back tears today welled that protective big brother instinct and I had no ability to fix it. Knowing Shannon and Pop were visiting the doctors and getting the test results without Sonya and I there to share hugs and tears knotted my stomach. Quite simply ... Cancer sucks!

I guess I better quit my whining and catch you up. Pop and Shannon left for that amazing God infested place called Moffitt Cancer Center yesterday for Pop to undergo some test. I think he had another CAT scan and PET scan to see how well the radiation and the first bit of chemo and trial drugs performed. They were to stay the night and get the tests results today. From the best I could understand, Pop got the results from the CAT scan but not the PET scan. The CAT scan showed more areas in the other lung that appeared to be consistent with cancer (they grew since the last scan). Pop's doctor also advised him to consider getting a stint in his esophagus to keep it open so that he could get back to his chemo treatments. He encouraged him to check that option out fairly soon. We were unable to determine how well the radiation worked without the results of the PET scan. Not sure when we are to get those results or when Pop has another doctors appointment. Shannon has been a trooper in keeping up with that. Lets pray the PET scan shows positive progress.

Now for the positives .... Pop has maintained his weight (woohoo!!)and the doctor said he didn't appear to be any thinner than last time he saw him. Maintaining his weight through a feeding tube is a major accomplishment and we hope we can turn that tide just a little and actually gain a little. Shannon reported that although being a little short of breath Pop walked to all his appointments and believe this, Moffitt is bigger than it looks from the outside. Pop was a little tired. He did good but with the results shared today we were a little afraid that Pop would get discouraged. Shannon did ask him if he was going to do chemo again and Pop said "what choice do I have"? That was encouraging to us to know that Pop was still determined to fight. We hope and pray that he keeps that determination. The way we chose to look at it is every day is one more day and one more chance at a miracle. What is amazing is this journey is only a little over 6 months long, it seems like an eternity. We may have a lot of fight left but we have a lot of fight left in us. Pop is a Weaver .... and Weavers don't quit, at least that was what we were taught since birth. Kinda goes along with the hard-headedness obviously born and bred into us. Pop is tired though and I ask that all keep praying for strength and endurance for him. Pray that he is able to get out more and get his blood flowing. Pray for healing in the esophagus. Pray his spirit remains strong and his determination steadfast. Pray that he feels all the love that His God and all his many friends have for him. Pray for less pain. Pray for the doctors discernment in treatment options. Pray for Gods mercy and will. Pray! Pray! Pray!

And God btw I'm not mad anymore! Broken, hurt, a bit discouraged ..... yes. But not angry. Thank you for being a patient God that is big enough to handle our fits and still love us! We love you and I know Pop loves you. Treat him with mercy please. Look over him and comfort him. Cover him with the peace that you are there and that you will never ever leave him.
We will try .... I promise, to keeping loving You and loving people.
And may you receive all the praise, honor and glory
Amen
TW
2 Corinthians 4:17-18