Frustration

I am back at home now. It has been a little frustrating, OK very frustrating. Just to clear up the confusion, if there is any, the injections Pop has been receiving is of a particular medication called Amifostine. This medicine is used to preserve the good cells of the lung. He was receiving two injections before radiation. After treatment yesterday, we barely made it to the room. He tried to eat some last night and ended up losing it also. Obviously, his body is rejecting this medication. They have tried a stronger anti-nausea medicine but nothing was working. If he had to do this every day he would end up dehydrated and continue to lose weight. So, I talked to the nurse yesterday afternoon and she said it was fine to refuse the injections this morning. Meanwhile, she was supposed to let the doctor know. When we arrived this morning to the appointment, he informed them that he was not taking the injections. They paged Olga, who is the radiation doctors nurse. A different nurse who works with the doctor came in and talked to us. She basically told us that there was a significant increase in the risk of developing long term damage to the lung if he could not tolerate this medicine. Some of the risks were pretty scary. There was no question in his decision. He was still nauseous at this point and said it will be what it is gonna be without that medicine. I am smart enough to know that if he continues at that rate he would end up being hospitalized for dehydration, but listening to the consequences or risks of not taking the medicine, I want to say lets try again. It is the lesser of two evils. So after more discussion the nurse told us the doctor said he REALLY wished he would change his mind but he understands if not. Ironically,this is the same doctor who said to Sonya and I, "his body, his decision."
So we will just pray that this too is part of the plan, God's plan. I debated all day about whether or not I should post this. I am still not sure it was the right thing to do but here it is. This doesn't mean I am not staying positive because once he is past the nausea I am sure I will feel much better about it, but right now it is pretty dang frustrating. I wish I could take that nausea from him and carry it myself for a while, and I am sure many of you feel the same. But it doesn't work that way. That little man Terry talked about that wears the Cancer Sucks pin, he wears it everyday. I think I need one. Shannon