Beginning to think this caregiver thing is a little lopsided. How so? I spent last night and most of the day with Pop ...me mostly working on my computer or phone and him mostly sleeping and resting. Yesterday was a big day that started out kinda yucky with Pop not feeling well. When I got to Moffitt yesterday afternoon/evening he was feeling much better and then we had the great supper I was telling you about. For the most part he had a good night and today was good as well. He ate a good breakfast ... rested ...... and then ate a good lunch ....rested again and went to his treatment late this afternoon. As Toni just posted he also ate a great supper. Now about this lopsided thing. Everytime I have been to spend the night ...Pop has felt pretty good. Heck I even facetiously commented last night on my post that this care giver thing was rough .... but someone had to do it. Then Shannon reminded me this evening that between the good times it hasn't been a piece of cake. Don't get me wrong .... she wasn't complaining a bit she was just reminding me as I was on the moutain peaks that there had been the valleys. It doesn't seem fair that her and Sonya have been at Hope at the times Pop has been the sickest. Sonya even mentioned it the other day when I relieved her....just as Pop was beginning to feel better. I have been the lucky one I guess ... either that or God knows .... maybe I'm just not as good a caregiver as my sisters. He maybe has been looking after and spareing me and Pop both. I'm positive I could not handle him being sick for hours. I'm not sure why but thats just the way it has fallen and its not fair .... but as I was listening to a recording of a testimony given recently at FBCLP on the way over this week ..... it was all about life not being fair. And that its OK cause although life is not fair in our eyes ...God paints on a bigger canvas than we can see ... and He knows what we can handle ...what we need ....and He provides. God sees the bigger picture. The speaker said something else that just resonated with me. To be perfectly honest and open, God and I have been tussling about this cancer thing .....and my biggest problem is .... that its not fair. And in my quiet times.....the times I use to connect with God, I have been throwing a fit with Him about it. And this amazing speaker admitted in her testimony that she had been throwing fits too.......we all do. But our God is big enough to handle our fits......so go right ahead and throw em. I want to say a special thank you to the speaker (she knows who she is) for permission to throw my fit and the reassurance that God understands.
If I thought it was something I could do .... that God was blessing me with the good times with Pop ... I'd lobby to stay with him constantly so he would feel good all the time. I certainly want His treatment to be as easy as possible. But I think its just chance and I know my time is coming to walk the valley with Pop. I just hope and pray I can do as good a job as my sisters.
Let's love God and love people
TW
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From our Family to Yours, We are truly blessed to have a God that will let us throw those tantrums and forgive us when we question what has happened in our lives. Andrew said Sunday at Church somthing like this, (Sometimes we have to say to God the load I seem to be carrying is heavy and I know I can not carry it alone, please show me how to handle this. That is not quoted but it surely applied to all of us.) I say a special pray for my Weaver Family each night and know that we think of you often and we laugh with you and cry with you as you keep us updated on Pop! Love to you all and From our home to yours Happy Thanksgiving!
ReplyDeleteBarry & Janine